Happy Birthday Xanxus!
by Crimson Cupcake
Summary: Birthday present to Xanxus! 10/10. Excitement hangs in the air as the Varia force Squalo to call down their boss. But for what? Rated T for Squalo and Xanxus. Eventual XS! Oneshot!


**A/N: **Another Reborn story! -cheers- Seems like I can only write Varia. This is a birthday present to Xanxus-sama! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I tried drawing fanart, but it failed miserably. So I'm here with a fanfic instead 8D. 10/10. Anyone wonder why it's that? (hint: "2 X's)

**Warning: **I tried to write everyone as IC as possible, but I just can't manage Xanxus...OTL I'M SORRY! Oh yeah, also Squalo's and Xanxus's bad language...and of course XS at the end. I tried not to, honest, but I couldn't end it without XS. If you don't like Xanxus/Squalo, just read it and stop at Squalo's part xD It's readable! Honest! Oh, and beware of rambling at the start.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Reborn, Varia would rule the world.

* * *

The boss of the Varia was very proud to say that he had everything a good Vongola boss needed. A heritage, power, even a name. From birth, every skill he was taught was for a reason. And that reason was to become the Tenth Vongola boss.

Unfortunately, not only was his dream a complete and utter failure, said Varia boss found himself in charge of a dirty lowlife squad – a detachment from the Vongola family. Now, the fact that this dirty lowlife squad was in fact the most feared assassination squad in the world didn't occur to their boss.

Yes.

Said boss of said squad of said family was _very_ displeased with the actions of his squad. So displeased, in fact, that he threw wine cups at people's heads. To be precise, only one person ever got wine cups thrown at his head.

Superbi Squalo.

Now Superbi Squalo was a man to be feared… to outsiders. Having defeated the previous Sword Emperor, he was now the Second Sword Emperor, and his power was legendary. Only to outsiders.

To the main members of the Varia, he was known as the loud, foul-mouthed second in command who loved his long silver hair more than life. In fact, he lost so much respect for that fact that nicknames were introduced to the Varia squad. Such names included 'Squ-chan', 'Squ-senpai (said mockingly)' and 'stupid battle commander'. That last nickname was not in play until ten years after the day this story takes place.

Ahem. Enough ranting. Back to the point.

We remember the Varia boss, yes? How he failed to be the Vongola Tenth, yes? Well, said boss had a name. A name that was feared to be spoken (almost as much as Lord Voldemort's). It was Xanxus.

Try saying it out loud. ZAANN-zuhs. It really was (and still is) quite scary. Also, please do not remove any X's. They are there for a reason. What reason, you may ask? The first scene of our story, set at 10 o'clock in the morning, will answer the question.

--

"Voooii, Xanxus! Xanxus! WAKE UP YOU SHITTY BOSS!" screamed the loud, foul-mouthed second in command. It did not help that Squalo's voice was particularly loud, or that it was screamed right next to his boss's ear, or that Xanxus was in a particularly bad mood this fine morning. He was always in a bad mood, but today's was _particularly_ bad.

"Trash!" he rasped, thrusting a full wine glass at Squalo, and following with two shots of gun fire.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" Squalo yelled unwittingly, which only resulted in another wine glass.

He swore and tried to back away, tripped over a table and came crashing down just as three flame bullets soared past his head, singeing the wall. With an almighty crash, the antique table broke as it was sat on, sending books, papers and files sprawling.

--

The Varia members downstairs heard the 'VOOOIII' and the crash, and concluded that their antique table had broken again. Some were thinking that the table had lasted the longest out of the rest of their tables. A week, in fact.

"Oh, Squ-chan~!" Lussuria cried in distress, rushing upstairs. "He'll crash right through the ceiling if he's not ca~areful!"

None of the other members particularly cared. Levi A Than was busy straightening something on the wall. Viper Mammon was counting his money in his head. The infamous _Prince the Ripper_ was aiming knives at a Christmas tree, despite the fact that there were still two months till Christmas. And Gola Mosca had been 'bitten to death' a few weeks ago. Nobody missed him much.

Soon enough, the members downstairs heard a giant 'thump', and their Battle Commander rolled down the stairs tangled in his own hair. Needless to say, this sent up a chorus of laughter.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Squalo screamed at everyone, which was followed by a bigger cry of glee.

"Ushishishi, Squ-senpai, did you call down the boss?" sang Belphegor, twirling a knife around.

Squalo glared.

The small figure almost drowning in money tilted his head up. "You'd better hurry, Squalo. We don't have all day."

"VOOOIIII! Shut up! I'm trying you freaks! Why don't you guys get up there?"

"I thought we already decided," Mammon replied silkily, "that Squalo was the best person for the job."

"That is, of course, unless you're scared," Bel finished mockingly.

"Hn, ignore him. I'll go get the boss." Levi was already half-way across the room before Squalo stopped him with his catchphrase.

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII! I'll go, alright? Now shut up and keep decorating!"

With a huff, Squalo trampled up the stairs, most likely to meet his doom. A member downstairs, specifically Bel, flashed a smirk. Levi was looking disappointed, and Lussuria was probably still upstairs. Mammon had gone back to what he did best.

--

Squalo had an impending sense of doom as he knocked again on his boss's door.

"What is it, trash?" came the voice from within.

The swordsman paled. "Vooii, Xanxus…" he began.

"This better be important!" Xanxus snapped. Something collided with the door. Instinctively, Squalo knew it was a wine glass. Perhaps Xanxus had expected it to go through the door…maybe he was pretending the door was Squalo.

"Come downstairs," Squalo sighed.

"Why, trash? Stop ordering me around! Go get more wine."

At this, a vein popped in our dear shark's head. "JUST FUCKING COME DOWNSTAIRS!" he roared.

--

On the floor below, Belphegor grinned widely. "It looks like Squ-senpai's having a bit of trouble, shishishi." Nobody was stupid enough to pay the Prince any attention.

--

Back to Squalo. Within the room, he could hear movement. He hoped against hope that maybe Xanxus would actually listen to him for once. As soon as he dismissed the stupid thought, the door opened and Xanxus stood in the doorway, fully glaring.

"If this takes more than 5 minutes, I'll fry you," he announced menacingly.

"Yeah yeah, whatever Xanxus," said the shark who received 14 death threats a day. Secretly, he grinned to himself.

"VOOOIIIIIIIIII! You guys better get ready! The trashy boss it coming!" he yelled. Xanxus frowned.

"Everything under control," Bel's smooth voice replied back, still clearly audible even though he didn't shout. "Just bring the boss."

Squalo was about to reply when Xanxus pushed past him and made his own way downstairs, mumbling "trash" under his breath. Squalo twitched again.

--

Downstairs, Bel hurriedly removed all his knives from the Christmas tree (although he admitted that they looked quite nice, glinting in the light). Mammon packed up his money and disappeared from sight – probably another illusion. Lussuria turned off the lights, having come downstairs beforehand. Levi finally fixed whatever it was on the wall – it turned out to be a calendar.

Soon enough, a boot appeared into view, and grumblings such as 'trash' and 'trashy shark' were heard. And then Xanxus strode into sight into the completely dark room.

"The fuck?" the Varia's leader swore, before there was a humungous _bang! _and the lights came on.

"**Happy birthday boss!" **the Varia members chorused in unison, as Xanxus gaped at the scene before him. Their so-called living room was unrecognisably decorated.

10 Christmas trees blinked their colourful lights, surrounding them and showering the room with brilliant colours. Streamers hang from the trees, draping over tables and chairs. Giant posters had been hung up around the room (luckily no bloodshed was involved) saying _'HAPPY BIRTHDAY XANXUS'_ and _'10/10!'_ Japanese-style lanterns suspended from the ceiling, throwing the room into a red-ish glow. But the biggest and probably most noticeable thing in the room was a giant chocolate cake, shaped like a gun.

The word 'giant' could be used for many things, but in this case, it meant that it towered over Squalo and blocked out about half the light in the room.

"Do you like it, boss?" Bel cackled gleefully. "We spent the whole of last night decorating, and Squ-senpai made the cake."

"SHUT UP!" yelled a familiar voice from above.

Xanxus wondered why the Christmas trees were there, but decided not to ask. "Heh, you trash. I never thought you'd actually remember."

"Ohh~, why not boss?" Lussuria exclaimed. "We'd never forget something as important as your birthday!"

"Praise me, boss," Levi added.

But said boss frowned. "Hey, trash, where the hell's the meat?"

Everyone in the room paled. Dimly, they heard Squalo curse upstairs. Apart from that, nobody spoke.

"Covered," a voice yawned.

The scene unfroze to find Mammon hovering above a huge tray of meat. It was almost as big as the cake itself, and had more varieties of meat than one could imagine.

"I remembered to get you the Japanese Beef you liked," Mammon smirked smugly. "By the way, boss, here's a present."

He threw over a credit card to Xanxus, who caught it, grinning, as if he had expected this all along. He examined it carefully. "Heh, there's quite a bit of money in here, Mammon. I didn't know you were the type."

"Mu."

"Speaking of which…" Bel reached into his back right pocket and pulled out three knives. "Oops," he giggled. "Wrong one." He reached into his other pocket and pulled out a key.

Everyone blinked.

"Ushishishi~, the boss'll love this," the Prince grinned. "Ne, boss, there's a Ferrari parked outside. Here's the keys." He threw them over too, and they were also caught.

"YOU STOLE THEM!" Squalo accused indignantly.

Bel snickered. "So what if I did? It's still brand new. Shishishi. And the Prince made sure not to get any blood on the seats."

"Boss," Levi mumbled, "please accept my present." He pointed to a corner where a brand new 40 inch television stood, gleaming in the eerie light.

"Hn. Very good, Levi."

"Thank you boss!" Levi replied, heart singing.

"Oh, boss, you'll love my present!" Lussuria exclaimed. He pulled out a box from behind him and opened it to find…

A black cat.

Four elite guardians stared into the shocked silence.

"VOOOIIII, what're you all looking at?" Squalo yelled, still being trapped upstairs.

The cat hissed, jumped out of its box and bounded straight upstairs. It's black tail snuggled up against Xanxus before it stalked out of sight.

Another moment of silence. And then…

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! GET THAT FUCKING CAT OFF ME!!!!!!" Thump. Thump. Bang. Squalo was thrown down headfirst down the stairs and crashed into a wall. The cat walked down conceitedly after him.

"We're keeping it," Xanxus decided. "What'd you get me, trash?"

"Vooiii, I didn't get you a fucking present," Squalo hissed, straightening out his long silver hair. He couldn't believe that after all the effort he put in to make a cake, his stupid boss still demanded a present.

Needless to say, Xanxus was pissed. "Trash, go get me a present."

As angry as Squalo himself was, he couldn't argue with his stupid boss. "Doesn't the cake count?"

Glare.

Apparently not.

"Vooi, fine, I'll get you something." Sighing, the swordsman was about to head out to buy a half-decent _fucking present_ when he felt lips crash against his own.

_OMGWTFBBQ?_

Squalo pulled away, staggering. "VOOOOIIIIIII!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR, XANXUS?"

His boss smirked. "You didn't like it, trash? Consider it my late present."

The shark gaped.

So did everyone else in the room. Except Lussuria.

And then Squalo grinned. "Heh. Tell me that earlier. If that's what you want every year, then I don't suppose it's too bad."

Levi fainted.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahhh, was that okay? I wanted to make it 'Bel fainted' in the end, but then I remembered my BelMammon story...xD So that went out the window.

Was everyone in character? -super-worried-. I think I did Squalo okay, but I'm not sure...Hopefully Bel was okay. Oh, and if anyone was wondering why the Christmas trees were there, it's because Bel's birthday is the 22nd of December, and really close to Christmas so...I don't know.

Review.

It's only pressing a button, right? It can't hurt.

You know you want to.

Cha~

~C.C.


End file.
